Headlines: not an approved babysitting technique

• Punch a baby in the face, get nine months in prison. Simply, really.


• Edinburgh city council leader unveils his 10-point masterplan for global domin- sorry, giving Scotland the capital it needs. Hmm? What superiority complex?


• One more time for the hard of thinking, try and stay away from the raw, untreated sewage carpeting the southern shore of the Forth.