Headlines: not an approved babysitting technique

• Punch a baby in the face, get nine months in prison. Simply, really.


• Edinburgh city council leader unveils his 10-point masterplan for global domin- sorry, giving Scotland the capital it needs. Hmm? What superiority complex?


• One more time for the hard of thinking, try and stay away from the raw, untreated sewage carpeting the southern shore of the Forth.

Weekend Headlines: Obviously we couldn't have polluted the Forth during the week

• Scottish Water prove once again that they are teh awesome at screwing shit up.


• Pagans of the East Coast rejoice! This year's Beltane festivities have begun with...um...a photo exhibition.


• Another free daily newspaper aims to emulate the Daily Record Edinburgh PM's success at accumulating stacks of unwanted recyclable material.


• Living in the capital isn't getting any cheaper - only the 173% increase in the past decade.


• Someone, somewhere, seems to think that bringing Edinburgh and Glasgow closer together is a good idea.


• There is a suspicion that professional rugby union in Scotland might not be working quite as well as it could.


• Old Town requires saving from dastardly "redevelopment"; pervert-suited hero possibly required.